Grow Through What You Go Through

May 3, 2020

By Mary Jo Bull, Speaker, Coach, Guide

I live on a very quiet, country lane. I find the silence to be soothing, calming. I've lived in this home for 6, going on 7 years and the silence has been a balm for my soul, a gateway to healing my body and my life. I guard my silence, my peace, like a miser guards his gold. For me, silence is peace.

I have not always treasured silence. In fact, there was a time, in the not-so-distant past, when silence terrified me. I went to great lengths to avoid, even block out, the silence. There was pretty much no area of my life where I had silence, peace, heart space. I needed chaos and trauma and drama. I needed it, like a drug. I felt very uncomfortable with silence, so I filled my life with chaotic relationships, unhealthy habits, staggering credit card debt, difficult bosses and toxic work environments, family drama. My health suffered, my finances suffered, my relationships suffered. In retrospect, I wondered if I had no peace because of the circumstances in my life, or if the circumstances of my life came about because I had no peace? Which came first, the chicken or the egg? 

I know now, the state of my mind was reflected in the state of my life. The pain of the state of my life became so pronounced, that some part of my Being -- my Soul? my "self"? -- decided, "I can't live like this any longer, there has got to be another way." In the world of the Heart, that counts as a choice, and that choice activated a path to healing. Books, movies, teachers, websites, all manner of methods of facilitating this healing path showed up in my life. I began to understand that if I wanted to live a different, more joyful and happy life, I had to change my perspective.  I had to change how I thought. I must have been pretty desperate because I did my very best to surrender to that choice.  Along the way, I came to understand the faculties of thought and emotion. No one had ever explained to me what these faculties are, what they do, what their purpose is, that they HAVE purpose. I never thought to ask -- it never occurred to me that I COULD ask, until the pain got so great that I couldn't stand it any more.

I would like to tell you that I followed this new path with great zeal and enthusiasm. I would like to tell you that it was easy and that I never strayed from that path. But I am a truth-teller so I will tell you my authentic truth -- I struggled. Disinformation wasn't going to let go that easily.  Disinformation had been running the show pretty much my whole life -- you gotta expect a little fight for survival, right? But ultimately, I chose to believe that I had the power to change my thoughts -- I'd had it all along, I just wasn't aware that I'd had the power, until, in my state of pain, I looked behind the curtain. My distractions -- the chaos, trauma and drama, the never-ending activity and socializing and over-working and unsustainable spending and overeating and confrontational conversations -- kept me way too occupied to recognize there was a curtain. I couldn't access silence with all the "noise" going on in my life. Disinformation's weapon of choice is all the noise -- because when we enter the silence, we will find peace, and when we find inner peace, Disinformation's days of domination are on the downward spiral. It may take some time -- for me, it took about three weeks of meditation every day for 15 to 20 minutes. Armed with the understanding that:

  1. Disinformation had been filtering my thoughts for most of my life, picking and choosing like a brewery employee with laser focus, picking through hops on an assembly line;
  2. I didn't have to believe the thoughts I was presented with -- I could choose a different thought, one that felt better (because I sooooooo wanted to feel better);
  3. It wasn't always crucial to identify where and how those thoughts originated (family mythology, social and religious conditioning, government and institutional programming) -- just "seeing" them and acknowledging them seemed to be enough most of the time to take the wind out of their sails;
  4. As I choose new thoughts and continue feeding those thoughts with my attention, the previous thoughts eventually lose momentum and dissipate;
  5. This is the way to change my life.

By the way, for those who are interested, science and scripture provide documentation and support for items 2, 3 and 4.

I committed myself to supporting my dream of a happy, satisfying and fulfilling life.  I mean, the other way hadn't worked so let's give this a shot!  And then I saw my life circumstances changing - slowly and subtly at first but just getting better and better all the time.  

There's an adage that says, "What you focus on, expands." This goes hand-in-hand with the concept that like attracts like, what you put out comes back. 

I made the choice to love myself and encourage myself and uplift myself. I chose to treat myself the way I would treat my child -- with loving encouragement and support. I make that choice every day because I believe we are supposed to experience joy, freedom and growth. I believe that's why we are here on Earth -- not to suffer now and be rewarded later. 

You get what you believe. Give yourself permission to believe the best for yourself.


I can help you reframe your thinking, recognize your blind spots, and recall innate wisdom, to reclaim your  personal power and reorient your focus to align with peace, health and abundance.

Mary Jo Bull ~ Speaker, Coach, Guide